Emocean

To whomever reads this,
Please note that I'm not being dramatic. I'm just presenting things as they happened and as they are.

The other night I had a dream. In this dream, I was at a wedding of an old friend of mine, but the groom was nowhere to be found. She approached me and saw that I was feeling ill at ease. She took me by the hands and began to dance with me. As she danced with me, I found myself not being able to look at her. She kept smiling at me; trying to cheer me up, but it didn't seem to work. For some reason, I couldn't speak.

Suddenly she and I were standing on a beach on a cold, dark night. I walked toward the edge of the water, and found that the waves were becoming more and more tempestuous. Even the stars began to fall from the sky and drift like snow in a violent blizzard as the waves grew increasingly violent. The wind began to howl, and I looked back to where she was, and whether she was there or not, I don't remember. I intently walked to the edge, yet in the dream I was afraid of the water. I feared the snow and the sea would join together to swallow me in its black abyss. Lightning flashed. The snow and waves increased vehemently, and suddenly I was no longer on the beach, but in the water, floating on my back, still fully clothed, and looking straight up at the sky. The sky was a dull pink color from the sunset (or sunrise), and I realized after looking about me that land was nowhere to be found. I was floating in the middle of an endless ocean, not knowing where to swim to reach land nor my friend again.

Upon awakening, I recalled that this friend of mine was one of my best friends growing up. She was someone I could talk to anytime, anywhere. There was even a time where I was in love with her, but I didn't even realize it. I wanted to be around her as much as I could. She understood me and would laugh with me. She was someone with whom I could see myself. At one moment in time that could have been possible, but every time I felt that way, I was always betrayed by some thoughts that would enter into my mind discouraging me from acting on what I felt. She got married over a year ago now. I was somewhat at peace with that, but somewhere deep down I couldn't shake the feeling that it should've been me by her side.

I enjoy dreaming... even though most of my dreams make absolutely no sense. I don't choose my dreams, so I don't usually take much stock in them, even if I want to. But this dream was one that stuck with me. I can't shake it.I know it means something. The symbolism is too specific, the connections too clear... but what does it mean? And if I get the answer, will I even like it?

Kevin Neff