Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Two videos.
I found these a while back. I think that they are brilliant. So, if you can get past the fact that they are not in your native language, just try to keep up with the subtitles and to feel the music. I think the message in the first one, Pierrot, is great near the end. Smile with your true face. When life's hard, don't try and fake like you're strong. When it hurts, feel it. Let it run its course. There's nothing wrong with you feeling emotions that normal people experience. The second one, Reflect, really spoke to me about how we do need to love ourselves. Not to be narcissistic, but to just accept and love ourselves for the people we are and have the potential to become. It is then that we might see that we aren't as alone as we might think. So again, if you can get past the anime influence and the Japanese language, I think these videos just might move you too.
Monday, November 14, 2011
First Love
I post this for two reasons: One) I am a major sucker for music boxes, and two) Utada Hikaru is a really awesome artist. I really like this song. A lot. A lot a lot a lot. Read the lyrics, hear the music, and I dare you not to think of your first love. Now, I'm not talking about your first silly crush in first grade; I'm talking pure love. The first time that you knew you wanted to spend the rest of time with someone else. The first time you wanted to give everything you had; even yourself to dedicate to the happiness of someone else. The kind of love that, tragically, often goes unrequited and no matter how hard we try, we cannot truly, fully overcome, even when we do find our "true love".
The last kiss we shared tasted like a wine
sweet and bitter like our memories
and I long for you to come right back to me.
Tomorrow the time will be the same as today.
Nothing goes on in my heart except your memories.
Where will you be and who will you think of?
You are always gonna be my love
and you should know
even if I fall in love with somebody else
I'll remember to love (you taught me how).
You are always gonna be the one
and for now, I'll still be singing this love song
for... Somebody like you.
My first love...
Time after time, baby I tried to forget our life together
but the memories are so so hard to let go.
Tomorrow the time will be the same as today.
Trying to hold back the tears when thinking of you;
all I want is to be with you once more.
You are always gonna be my love
and you should know
even if I fall in love with somebody else
I'll remember to love (you taught me how).
You are always gonna be the one
and for now, I'll still be singing this love song
for... Somebody like you.
My first love...
sweet and bitter like our memories
and I long for you to come right back to me.
Tomorrow the time will be the same as today.
Nothing goes on in my heart except your memories.
Where will you be and who will you think of?
You are always gonna be my love
and you should know
even if I fall in love with somebody else
I'll remember to love (you taught me how).
You are always gonna be the one
and for now, I'll still be singing this love song
for... Somebody like you.
My first love...
Time after time, baby I tried to forget our life together
but the memories are so so hard to let go.
Tomorrow the time will be the same as today.
Trying to hold back the tears when thinking of you;
all I want is to be with you once more.
You are always gonna be my love
and you should know
even if I fall in love with somebody else
I'll remember to love (you taught me how).
You are always gonna be the one
and for now, I'll still be singing this love song
for... Somebody like you.
My first love...
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Emocean
To whomever reads this,
Please note that I'm not being dramatic. I'm just presenting things as they happened and as they are.
The other night I had a dream. In this dream, I was at a wedding of an old friend of mine, but the groom was nowhere to be found. She approached me and saw that I was feeling ill at ease. She took me by the hands and began to dance with me. As she danced with me, I found myself not being able to look at her. She kept smiling at me; trying to cheer me up, but it didn't seem to work. For some reason, I couldn't speak.
Suddenly she and I were standing on a beach on a cold, dark night. I walked toward the edge of the water, and found that the waves were becoming more and more tempestuous. Even the stars began to fall from the sky and drift like snow in a violent blizzard as the waves grew increasingly violent. The wind began to howl, and I looked back to where she was, and whether she was there or not, I don't remember. I intently walked to the edge, yet in the dream I was afraid of the water. I feared the snow and the sea would join together to swallow me in its black abyss. Lightning flashed. The snow and waves increased vehemently, and suddenly I was no longer on the beach, but in the water, floating on my back, still fully clothed, and looking straight up at the sky. The sky was a dull pink color from the sunset (or sunrise), and I realized after looking about me that land was nowhere to be found. I was floating in the middle of an endless ocean, not knowing where to swim to reach land nor my friend again.
Upon awakening, I recalled that this friend of mine was one of my best friends growing up. She was someone I could talk to anytime, anywhere. There was even a time where I was in love with her, but I didn't even realize it. I wanted to be around her as much as I could. She understood me and would laugh with me. She was someone with whom I could see myself. At one moment in time that could have been possible, but every time I felt that way, I was always betrayed by some thoughts that would enter into my mind discouraging me from acting on what I felt. She got married over a year ago now. I was somewhat at peace with that, but somewhere deep down I couldn't shake the feeling that it should've been me by her side.
I enjoy dreaming... even though most of my dreams make absolutely no sense. I don't choose my dreams, so I don't usually take much stock in them, even if I want to. But this dream was one that stuck with me. I can't shake it.I know it means something. The symbolism is too specific, the connections too clear... but what does it mean? And if I get the answer, will I even like it?
Kevin Neff
Please note that I'm not being dramatic. I'm just presenting things as they happened and as they are.
The other night I had a dream. In this dream, I was at a wedding of an old friend of mine, but the groom was nowhere to be found. She approached me and saw that I was feeling ill at ease. She took me by the hands and began to dance with me. As she danced with me, I found myself not being able to look at her. She kept smiling at me; trying to cheer me up, but it didn't seem to work. For some reason, I couldn't speak.
Suddenly she and I were standing on a beach on a cold, dark night. I walked toward the edge of the water, and found that the waves were becoming more and more tempestuous. Even the stars began to fall from the sky and drift like snow in a violent blizzard as the waves grew increasingly violent. The wind began to howl, and I looked back to where she was, and whether she was there or not, I don't remember. I intently walked to the edge, yet in the dream I was afraid of the water. I feared the snow and the sea would join together to swallow me in its black abyss. Lightning flashed. The snow and waves increased vehemently, and suddenly I was no longer on the beach, but in the water, floating on my back, still fully clothed, and looking straight up at the sky. The sky was a dull pink color from the sunset (or sunrise), and I realized after looking about me that land was nowhere to be found. I was floating in the middle of an endless ocean, not knowing where to swim to reach land nor my friend again.
Upon awakening, I recalled that this friend of mine was one of my best friends growing up. She was someone I could talk to anytime, anywhere. There was even a time where I was in love with her, but I didn't even realize it. I wanted to be around her as much as I could. She understood me and would laugh with me. She was someone with whom I could see myself. At one moment in time that could have been possible, but every time I felt that way, I was always betrayed by some thoughts that would enter into my mind discouraging me from acting on what I felt. She got married over a year ago now. I was somewhat at peace with that, but somewhere deep down I couldn't shake the feeling that it should've been me by her side.
I enjoy dreaming... even though most of my dreams make absolutely no sense. I don't choose my dreams, so I don't usually take much stock in them, even if I want to. But this dream was one that stuck with me. I can't shake it.I know it means something. The symbolism is too specific, the connections too clear... but what does it mean? And if I get the answer, will I even like it?
Kevin Neff
Friday, November 4, 2011
Once Upon a Dream- 2009
This was written in 2009. I'm not sure why I wanted to post it today.
I have found that my presence in the lives of others is much like a strange dream. After a while, they just seem to wake up from me. They know that I made an imprint in their lives, but any lasting image of me is sentenced to remain in the darker parts of their memories… memories which are seldom reflected upon and fall back on the fantasies and twisted realities that dream worlds represent.
There’s something about waking from a dream… immediately you know that you are back in reality and have to face real issues, and all of your nocturnal adventures and exploits, be they terrifying, gratifying, death-defying or wondrous, are suddenly over. Sometimes for reasons unexplained, we wake up still believing that we are still in dreamland, but inevitably all it takes is a little rational thought to fully be convinced as to which life is truly real.
So it is with me. I have never heard of anyone who would want to miss so much of their life just to continue living a dream. But then again, is it really living? It might feel real, might sound real, might seem real… but the reality that comes with one’s waking has a greater impact still and any previous “reality” is reduced to shards and altogether obliterated as the mockery of the morning light mercilessly brightens the once-dark rooms and banishes dreams until the eyes close again.
They might remember my name. They might remember something I said or did. They might even tell others about me. They might remember some bond we may have had, but truly, it can’t last past the sunrise. When our eyes are opened, all of the “real” things become so much grander. Your true work, money, school, community, love… all of a sudden make their prominence known.
I say a strange dream because it cannot be described; sometimes there is not an explanation to be had. It is not a nightmare (hopefully), it isn’t a revelatory vision or psychotic oddity, but something strange. Common sense doesn’t work against it, reason is senseless, and logic is altogether useless. In this dream of me-- in the dream that is me-- there is no battle between waking and slumber. It is up to the dreamer to decide to which master he or she will submit.
Have you ever had a wonderful dream? Have you ever woken up from a scenic, fantastic night vision and been disappointed that it didn’t last? Have you ever actually wished that what you did, who you were, or where you had been could be carried with you through the threshold?
Have you ever really preferred waking up when those dreams happen? Does reality taste better, fill more, or bring more satisfaction? In every dream, no matter how vivid it was, have you ever noticed how there was always something that was out of place? Something that wasn’t right? Something that fooled you into believing that what you saw was truth?
Have you ever noticed mid-dream that you were dreaming? How did you react? Did you wish for the dream to be over so that you could escape? Did you take advantage of your situation, knowing you could do anything or say anything knowing that morning was soon coming and it would be of no consequence? Did you heave a sigh and painfully resign yourself to your disappearance from the stage of your dream?
No one can be indifferent to how they wake up, even though we should come to expect it. When we go to sleep, we know that we will dream. Even if we don’t remember them, we still have dreams. I don’t know where those dreams go or where they came from.
Dreams can provide you with everything you have ever wanted. They can grant you those powers you have always desired. They can take you to spectacular places, summon reunions with those you miss, and even destroy all those imperfections you find in yourself and right what’s wrong. However, it comes not without a sacrifice.
Can you bear to close your eyes to all that is around you and sleep just to continue to live a dream?
I guess some people do like always staying awake. It’s easier to see what might come get you at night. It’s safer. If you dared sleep, you wouldn’t notice all that is happening in the world around you. You wouldn’t see any dark figures hiding in the shadows. You would be better prepared for the dangers and fears of the world you live in.
Wouldn’t you?
No one ever mourned over a lost dream. After all, it was just a dream. Your life goes on. There’s too much to do, too much to take in. Happiness is in the awakening world. A dream will find its own way. A dream doesn’t need food, water or shelter. After all, it is just a dream. No one, when it comes down to it, would throw the bright colors and sounds away for a dream. After all, it was just a dream.
I have found that my presence in the lives of others is much like a strange dream. After a while, they just seem to wake up from me. They know that I made an imprint in their lives, but any lasting image of me is sentenced to remain in the darker parts of their memories… memories which are seldom reflected upon and fall back on the fantasies and twisted realities that dream worlds represent.
There’s something about waking from a dream… immediately you know that you are back in reality and have to face real issues, and all of your nocturnal adventures and exploits, be they terrifying, gratifying, death-defying or wondrous, are suddenly over. Sometimes for reasons unexplained, we wake up still believing that we are still in dreamland, but inevitably all it takes is a little rational thought to fully be convinced as to which life is truly real.
So it is with me. I have never heard of anyone who would want to miss so much of their life just to continue living a dream. But then again, is it really living? It might feel real, might sound real, might seem real… but the reality that comes with one’s waking has a greater impact still and any previous “reality” is reduced to shards and altogether obliterated as the mockery of the morning light mercilessly brightens the once-dark rooms and banishes dreams until the eyes close again.
They might remember my name. They might remember something I said or did. They might even tell others about me. They might remember some bond we may have had, but truly, it can’t last past the sunrise. When our eyes are opened, all of the “real” things become so much grander. Your true work, money, school, community, love… all of a sudden make their prominence known.
I say a strange dream because it cannot be described; sometimes there is not an explanation to be had. It is not a nightmare (hopefully), it isn’t a revelatory vision or psychotic oddity, but something strange. Common sense doesn’t work against it, reason is senseless, and logic is altogether useless. In this dream of me-- in the dream that is me-- there is no battle between waking and slumber. It is up to the dreamer to decide to which master he or she will submit.
Have you ever had a wonderful dream? Have you ever woken up from a scenic, fantastic night vision and been disappointed that it didn’t last? Have you ever actually wished that what you did, who you were, or where you had been could be carried with you through the threshold?
Have you ever really preferred waking up when those dreams happen? Does reality taste better, fill more, or bring more satisfaction? In every dream, no matter how vivid it was, have you ever noticed how there was always something that was out of place? Something that wasn’t right? Something that fooled you into believing that what you saw was truth?
Have you ever noticed mid-dream that you were dreaming? How did you react? Did you wish for the dream to be over so that you could escape? Did you take advantage of your situation, knowing you could do anything or say anything knowing that morning was soon coming and it would be of no consequence? Did you heave a sigh and painfully resign yourself to your disappearance from the stage of your dream?
No one can be indifferent to how they wake up, even though we should come to expect it. When we go to sleep, we know that we will dream. Even if we don’t remember them, we still have dreams. I don’t know where those dreams go or where they came from.
Dreams can provide you with everything you have ever wanted. They can grant you those powers you have always desired. They can take you to spectacular places, summon reunions with those you miss, and even destroy all those imperfections you find in yourself and right what’s wrong. However, it comes not without a sacrifice.
Can you bear to close your eyes to all that is around you and sleep just to continue to live a dream?
I guess some people do like always staying awake. It’s easier to see what might come get you at night. It’s safer. If you dared sleep, you wouldn’t notice all that is happening in the world around you. You wouldn’t see any dark figures hiding in the shadows. You would be better prepared for the dangers and fears of the world you live in.
Wouldn’t you?
No one ever mourned over a lost dream. After all, it was just a dream. Your life goes on. There’s too much to do, too much to take in. Happiness is in the awakening world. A dream will find its own way. A dream doesn’t need food, water or shelter. After all, it is just a dream. No one, when it comes down to it, would throw the bright colors and sounds away for a dream. After all, it was just a dream.
Friday, October 28, 2011
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